Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Project Tamoxifen

This week's recap:

• brunch w/the Rogers in east vil.
• trip to visit my alzheimer-addled mom in Forest Hills with Louisa (working on an essay about this...don't hold yr breath, it may take a while),
• an oscar party back in the east vil.

• worrying about 3 week checkup yesterday

• 3 wk anniversary of no chemo
• got my tamoxifen pills (to be taken daily). doc says i won't notice any effects of tamox for 3 wks. it dawns on me today that there is no getting back to normal - that i won't know what that feels like as i'll be on this drug - or another for 5 yrs. menopause here i come!
• got nervous and forgot to ask all questions i had so carefully typed out re: clinical trial (i still have months to decide if i want to join the trial)
• went to get an MRI on right breast but HELLOOOO - i can't even walk into the MRI room w/metal tissue expander under fake left boob! my onco didn't think of this (one of the drawbacks of having a serious researcher as yr doctor instead of someone who sees/knows the whole bc package that i am) i imagine my saline balloon popping as i smash into the giant magnet. or the whole apparatus is sucked out my ear. (see, watching all those looney tunes paid off, folks)
• no available appts for genetic testing until Aug. 30!!! trying to get this pushed up as it would influence my decision re: the trial - and possibly surgery. if for some strange reason i am positive, it could be wise to remove my ovaries - eliminating risk of ovarian cancer in future and eliminating most estrogen production (my cancer feeds on estrogen). this could be an option even if i Don't test positive - the clinical trial is basically about pushing women into menopause anyhow (see previous posts for links)
• had 5 brief parent-teacher conferences w/Jo's "specials" teachers - computer, shop, science, library, plus the learning specialist. the phrase "afraid to take risks" came up many times. very interesting and all made sense but a lot to process in one day along w/the medical info
• went to Jamer's lecture at Parson's on critical product design then out to dinner w/him, Susan Y and a few others
• got home and had a debate about a bookcase i ordered for lou's room (red powder coated steel from hold everything for $53 w/shipping included - i thought it was a good deal)

Is your head spinning too?

• after school dropoff, meet w/school psych. about jo and her anxieties/what to do
• many phone calls - 3 re: various possibilities for either freelance or semi=permanent work - some in retail/some in writing
some about my bc, some about jo, etc.
• go to Y and walk/run on treadmill w/surprising energy (albeit, nervous energy) listening to the arctic monkeys. if i were young again i'd doodle "Alex Turner" all over my three-ring binder.
• fall asleep putting lou to bed but wake up and...
• watch finale of Project Runway. chloe's was my least favorite but she was consistent. and right on laotian girl power!

I should be sleeping now. Just wanted to play ketchup. forgive the mixed verb tenses.


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