Wednesday, April 26, 2006

"Stop Blogging, Start Writing"

That was the title of the slate.com podcast that changed my life.
[Well, not really, but I haven't been blogging much, have I?]
The podcast was the sorrowful tale of a Bklyn lass whose ambition was/is to write the great American novel, but her faithful old blog turned on her, forming a roadblock between her and her dream.
She had to choose.
I think her name was Sophie - let's call her that anyway.
So she killed her blog.

Wow. I know - it's a heavy story. Why do u think I've been gone so long?

The original purpose of MY blog was to create an open forum in which to discuss my boobs - oh, and breast cancer....
But my unemployment checks have run out and it's time to make these fingers dance on the keyboard for money.

"But SV," you say, "Do you, the mother of two children, really want to prostitute your digits that way? That is a long hard row to hoe, Ho (ho ho ho)."

I know, but Mama's got a shoe habit -- I ain't willing to "Payless." Besides, didn't you see "Weeds"?

Saturday, April 22, 2006

loser

as in, i am such a
actually had something to do on a friday nite and FORGOT
just sat in my pjs and emailed and then watched part of that revolting movie 'requiem for a dream'
ugh
why do people like those kinds of movies? why do they make them? why did i watch it?

meanwhile, i missed michael shelley's show at Lakeside Lounge - ck out his site and buy his cd's all lovers of pop rock ballads.

got the new paper magazine today and was bummed to see an article about Tord Boontje - the designer of those lacey, flowery lites. he was my roommate in bklyn about 15 yrs ago and i wanted to write about him 2 yrs ago, so naturally i am annoyed that someone else wrote it for paper (i used to be a frequent contributor).

which leads me to the podcast from slate i heard yesterday entitled, "Stop Blogging and Start Writing" - not that i even blog that much either. i just don't feel like i'm getting much accomplished...especially now that the weather is nice, i'm not even cleaning my closets anymore!

it's supposed to rain this wkend, but i've been reading "Freeing Your Child from Anxiety" and feel that i've let jo's avoidance go on for too long, so i WANT to take her on the subway. somewhere/anywhere.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

SPONSOR MY TEAM FOR REVLON RUN/WALK!!!

OR JOIN MY TEAM!
GO MOMMY GO!
that's the name of it
here's the link
my bib # is 13099
if you want to join the team, you go to the home page and register, then put my team # in... it costs $25 to register.

i did this race back when i trained for the marathon and it is so crowded that you HAVE to walk, unless you're really pushy and try to get up front.

there are prizes based on how much money you raise (like a free plane ticket) but the real prize is, well, you know - ME!

if you don't like walking or waking up early (gotta be there around 8 i think) then just give me your money! this breast cancer thing is getting ridiculous.

and GO GET A MAMMO if you haven't had one in the past year. and even if you had a mammo, do monthly self exams (i would have found my lump much earlier if i had bothered to do them)
here's a thorough explanation - watch it
http://www.komen.org/bse/

Monday, April 17, 2006

brave new body

i did it.
i made a date with my new boob.
may 11th is D-day - well, more like B-day

i cannot convince myself that silicone will not leach into my bloodstream and eliminate the brain cells that have all the lyrics to my favorite 70s songs memorized. therefore, i am getting the fake-looking, fake-feeling, sloshy saline implant. sounds attractive, no? i tell everyone it's fake anyhow for christ's sake.

i thought, since they're cutting me open again, why not have 'em remove a few ribs and a couple inches of beef?
now THAT'S what i call an hourglass figure!

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

tamox

DAMN! this makes the 3rd day in a row i screwed up and didn't take my tamoxifen!
i dropped it off sunday, then forgot it
today i went to get it and it wasn't filled - involved calling the dreaded DIONNE at dr. bromberg's office.

got home too late from beth's house tonite to pick it up. SHIT!

this, in addition to running out of my folate/folic acid supplements AND drinking a few glasses of wine each of the past few nites, makes me feel that i am a fertile petri dish -- setting the scene for rabid new cancer cells.

i think the info overload is getting to me

PUMA plays with monkeys!

it's really slow but the puma site has some amazing kicks:

mongolian shoe bbq
awesome alexander mcqueen freak sneaks
a goofy philippe starck character the kids can toss around
and a printable monkey mask!

ENJOY SHOPPING!

Monday, April 10, 2006

re-construction and genetics

just to make my monday REALLY exciting, i scheduled back to back appts w/the plastic surgeon, then the genetics folks at msk.
actually, if the PS weren't 2 hrs behind schedule it would've been leisurely.
here's what he said:

too little fat to do the DIEP flap operation (fat tissue from stomach cut away using microsurgery - moved to boob) but he COULD do an old school style pedicle TRAM - an operation he doesn't really do anymore. however, in my case he would use the muscle to build the breast. then add an implant.
FORGET IT
the point of one of those autologous operations is that you wouldn't NEED an implant.
but the nice man was thinking of a way to rid me of my unsightly elephant abdominal skin AND give me a new boob. all for one low, low price.

i have to admit, it is very tempting to get the washboard ab that mother nature has denied me for well-nigh my entire life, but my attitude about myself and elective plastic surgery has always been: if i fix something, the next day i'll get run over by a crosstown bus. could be my catholic guilt acting up. and reconstruction IS elective. i don't feel the world owes me a new knocker just because i had a defective one. people who have lungs or arms or other parts removed don't always get a new one...this is a bonus. and with it come some minuses.

so, i could do a saline implant : problem here is that they're not offered in as many flavors as the silicone sisters. he'd have to compromise on shape/projection - meaning old style wide, high, and probably too full. then, the other side would be way off kilter so he'd tighten that up which would shrink it a bit (fine), but in the end, they might still be uneven and i'd need a little implant on the good side to even em out.
DAMN!
i wasn't clear if that would definitely occur/if it would happen in 2 operations, etc.

silicone - of course, this is every PS's choice! they love it. the new gummy, cohesive gel implants have not even been around a year, i think. they have many difft types based on 2 criteria - volume, projection, height - w/out going into detail, it would be a better match and i wouldn't need a fixer upper implant on right side - just the mastopexy or breast "lift"
safety? his argument is that heart valves and knee joints and lots of other med devices are made of silicone - and they actually have to work whereas an implant just hangs there.
meanwhile, i've been reading the studies on the manufacturers' own website and that does not inspire confidence at all! something like a 30% approx rate of replacement or rupture in 5 yrs? there's a lot of maintneance on these. not to mention, what does having silicone leached into yr system do to you 20 yrs later? how do you even notice a small leak?
lots of questions, i know.
i just can not rest easy. how can i be sure the silicones are totally safe altho tons of people get em? i mean, the drs handing out thalidomide also thought they were "doing no harm". it's not like drs and the scientific community never make mistakes.

ok, i'm falling asleep as i type. no offense to anyone - i'm just paranoid about these things (remember, i cried in high school after i got my ears pierced.)

OH WAIT! i had such an insane dream last nite- i was being chased...some bounty hunter woman wanted to capture me and bring me to this leader. i tried to injure myself to get out of it, splashing acid on me.
i told a friend to throw a rock at my boob so that it would deflate.

there was a giant ship out at sea. it was filled with 17,000 pounds of lasagna!!!!!!!!!!
get it? the lasagna (brought to the recovering patient), inflicting injury on myself (elective surgery), being brought to the leader (who was black like my plastic surgeon), etecetc
eyes are really shutting.,..........

Saturday, April 08, 2006

vegetables and surgical procedures don't mix

i don't like to eat lunch
the meal annoys me
i wish i could just take a pill - like in willy wonka or star trek - and just be done w/it.
i DO enjoying going out to lunch, where i am served something that i am way too lazy to make
so some days it gets pretty late by the time i figure out the lunch thing

last week i ate lunch at 4 at Poochie's - such an unfortunate name (but perfect for someone with a stomach like mine) for the health food joint that's been there forever on 6th betwn 14 and 15. i was reading a book by a boston BC survivor/doctor...Living through BC.
previous to my hiatus in LA, i'd had a stomach of steel when it came to reading about the details of reconstruction surgery. i had to close the book though just to get down my steamed cabbage, broccoli and carrots.

similarly, i just googled "pedicle tram problems" and read some horror stories about this operation going awry. no matter how saggy my gut is, i don't think this is the way to go.
ok, at least i crossed that one off the list.
maybe if i gain weight some day i'll do it.
or if i have an extra $4500 (and change my thinking about "vanity surgery") i'll get a tummy tuck.

[and, yes, i know that all surgery has its complications and that i will find some tortured soul blogging about the agony of a split end if i look hard enough]

Friday, April 07, 2006

so little time...

chatting takes up a lot of time, yet is so vital to our lives
this is how the 5th grade documentary reel in my head runs...the above line is spoken by a man w/a deep, buttoned down voice.

and the film is playing merely to introduce the fact that i am woefully behind in recording many factoids of my recent and continued existence! yet i am rich in conversations - been catching up w/the nyc crowd, school/camp issues, doing post-vacation laundry. but wait, i'll try to backtrack and add some scintillating details:

we return to NYC sat nite, April 1 - as in "Ha Ha, you DON'T have a view of the ocean, a lemon tree in your yard (or even a cactus) or even a yard! APRIL FOOL, sucker"

Sunday the 2nd is a beautiful springy day in NYC, but all i can think is 'big fat f(*^ing deal! now the sun is shining on the concrete and soot! and there is like one flowering tree around - how delightful. we go to washington square park, where my days of actually enjoying myself ended about 5 yrs ago. i decide to go pick up some groceries for dinner at Trader Joe's. little did i know that while i was away, the denizens of NYC became even MORE INSANE than ever, quietly colluding to actually line up outside the store. i turn around in disgust and go buy a few things in Whole Foods (Whole Paycheck, as my pal, Michael Shelley calls it).
Please tell me none of you lined up for TJs? i can't handle the idea of begging to be let into a store to buy groceries. that's just too depressing, when i had just been at the Santa Monica famrer's market a few days earlier buying artichokes as big as my head and sampling 4 different kinds of dates from the date farmer dude and buying dried persimmons and jujubes, etc.
and i finally got in a ruainy tuesday am. by the end i was getting a bit impatient but i had such sweet help - the bagger guy asked where i was from.
"Um, Long Island" i say
"Oh, I thought you were from Israel or something because of your scarf"
nope - nothing exotic - just a little chemo-induced head accessorizing!