Friday, May 26, 2006

mission accomplished

as expected, surgery in the am, home by the pm
drive by surgery is such a pleasure
quite a different scene from the first time tho
a beautiful sunny day - didn't have to leave the house in darkness
took a photo in the waiting room bathroom but this time it was to document the existence of the freakish expander and say goodbye to it - also, farewell to the right breast as i knew it - it served me and my children well, but in the interest of symmetry, it will be hoisted up to new gravity-defying heights.
purple dots have sprung up where the horrid port once was - dr gayle joked, "now you want me to leave IN the port, right?"
he drew dots and dashes on me in special sterilized purple marker while two young men looked on - a resident and an intern or something. whatever. i could take my shirt off in front on 14th st now if my dr. told me to. the more official of the two, said "she expanded nicely" or something like that. i guess the bigger the better in the expansion world.

already, i can tell i look much more normal...i still have the hospital bra on as instructed. but the skin above the bra line is no longer bulbous on the left side. this is worth it already.
my skin is crawling with itchiness tho - the velcro closure of the bra, the steri=tape over the sutures...worse than the pain which is not too bad. a vicodin this am and this evening makes it totally bearable.

thanks to all of you who've been sending good wishes, etc. i received them all very gratefully.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

surgery thursday

been a bit preoccupied...
i'm working on a little article for BUST mag about cool British mags due by thursday since that is when i'm having the implant exchange and a lift on the other side (mastopexy). i don't know what time the operation is - i call in the nite before to find out. which reminds me that i have to find someone to sleep over here or send the girls elsewhere cuz it might be at 6 am again. damn. have not been thinking this thru i guess!

busy lately - tuck's been away, bday parties, tap dance recitals, therapists (mine and jo's new one - going well!), visitors, ICFF this wk. also, stopped drinking alcohol completely - too worried about health and too hard to just have 1 glass of wine once in a while (what is the point?!)

back to work...more when i finish this

Sunday, May 07, 2006


Thanks to all of you for your support during the winter of my discontent and for the Revlon BC walk a wk ago saturday [sorry for lack of blogging - trying to do more "work"-ish stuff]
It was a beautiful day and so nice to be w/friends, family and 40,000 others - the power of purpose is really amazing.
Here I am crawling across the finish - a joke since we strolled thru it!

Here are Faith and I - we went thru treatment at the same time but hadn't met until this morning!

Faith and i seemed to be the only recent 'survivors' - i saw only one woman with a scarf on her head who was obviously doing AC but that was it. lots of stares and the camera focused on my sign and my head - which i had temporarily 'dyed' with red hair goo.

This is my sister, Tracy - aka, Ray (Louisa Ray's namesake) - who came in from LI to walk the walk and talk the talk.

OK, so CHERRIES IN THE SNOW is not the best color for me. Jo lends her sunglasses while Maya looks dismayed at my freakishness.

How could the HOT MONKEYS team throw out their sign? It's my fave!

Monday, May 01, 2006

change of plans

have changed reconstruction surgery date to May 25
this allows me to get the results of my genetic testing on May 22
if i'm positive for BC gene mutation, i would get a prophylactic mastectomy on the right (and leave the expander in on the left, i guess)- and then take ovaries out at some later date
if i'm negative, i'll just do the reconstruction surgery as planned

the chances appear slim that i'd test positive so i'm not THAT worried - just a weeny bit

it's funny tho about these choices...pros and cons carry different weights for everyone
the woman that i met on line who also used my PS had stage 0 BC. she got a bilateral mastectomy - BOTH! her dr. sent her to talk to a shrink he thought it was so nuts. but she said she never wanted to worry again. then she got silicone implants - which is something i totally worry about.
me, i'd rather keep my real breast a while longer and just be vigilant about checking to see if i ever get a new cancer, but skip the silicone cuz i'm afraid of some other ill effects.

BTW, it's considered a second primary cancer if you get it on the other side - it's not that the cancer metastisized to the other breast - when cancer metastisizes it goes to other places like bones, liver, brain, etc. so if i do get a new cancer on right, i'd go thru the chemo etc. when it/if it happens.